Saturday, January 31, 2009

My Current Korean Obsessions

1) East of Eden is seriously a kick ass drama. LoL I know some people might be lazy cus it's 50+ episodes. But you will be hooked and wanting more as each episode passes. This week, it made me cry! And now I have to wait for next week's episode. What sucks is the last episode that just aired was a real tear jerker. It was getting so good And now they're making us wait till next week. Hate those. For those who don't know what it's about, here's a synopsis I found online:

The drama will be about two men whose fates are crossed from the very first day that they were born. Both men were born in the same hospital. When he was a teenager, Lee Dong Chul witnessed the death of his father. From then on he promised to seek revenge on the man who caused his father's death, Shin Tae Hwan. But unbeknownst to everybody is the fact that Dong Chul's younger brother, Dong Wook, was switched at birth with Tae Hwan's son, Myung Hun. Dong Wook grows up to become a prosecutor and vows to help his brother seek revenge. But what happens when they find out that they're not brothers? What will Dong Chul do when he finds out that his real brother was raised by Shin Tae Hwan and that the brother that was beside him all these years is the son of his enemy?

2) Boys Before Flowers. Before I watched it, I already saw the Taiwanese version - Meteor Garden like a year ago. Then I watched the Japanese version during winter break. Both we're good, but after watching the Japanese version, I liked it better. For one, it went quicker. When I saw season 1, I was wondering where all the missing plots and parts were that Meteor Garden showed. But then I found it all in Season 2. If you want the quick version of the series, the Japanese version is the one for you. Plus they even had a movie as the third installment. Now that the korean version is out, I'm getting addicted to it and tend to do a lot of comparisons between all 3 versions. But they all still have their own flavor to it. Even though I already know what's going to happen, I still can't help but get excited when watching certain scenes.

Meteor Garden (Taiwanese)

Hana Yori Dango (Japanese)

Boys Before Flowers (Korean)

Yep... no matter how I see it, the Korean version guys of F4 are waaaaay cuter!!!

3) SNSD mini album Gee. Also known as Girls' Generation. I changed my playlist songs to their songs. Honestly, the only person who I think can ACTUALLY sing is Taeyeon, the eldest of the group and the leader. But yet, I still listen to their songs because they make me happy. All the other girls can sing okay too, but not as well as most korean singers I know. They're mostly popular because of the face and body. But after 9 months on hiatus, they came back with a mini album. The song "Gee" sounded weird to me at first, but as I kept listening to it, it started to get to me. But out of the 5 songs in this album, my favorite is Dear Mom. It's a ballad song and I thought it showed how much all their voices matured since their last album. It's just my opinion though. Listen to them and you be the judge.

4) Alex from the group Clazziquai. I had his new album My Vintage Romance for awhile, but just now decided to fully listen to it. Of course, his famous song Flowerpot that he sang on We Got Married is on there. Love it! But the one I constantly find myself listening too nowadays from him is the song he sang during the Thanksgiving Special on the piano of WGM to his partner Shin Ae. The song Daisy. His voice is just so soothing to hear. You can also hear it on my playlist

5) And finally, some that I'm looking forward too. Still waiting on Se7en's American debut. Why is it taking sooo long?! And also, I plan to watch (when I have time) Empress Chu Chu (the one shin nae is in!) and Return to Iljimae. The two are already airing, but I'm going to wait til more episodes go on air. And the one's that haven't shown yet but will be soon is Princess Ja Myung Go and Cain & Abel


Friday, January 30, 2009

A few things to vent out

1) So as always, I am getting yelled at and blamed for stuff I didn't even do. Just one phone call from a certain someone (who shall remain anonymous, but most can probably guess) asking for money, and in the next 5 min. my mother's frustrations go toward me and my sisters, yelling and cursing at us because she has no one else to yell at. Well actually she does, but he refuses to yell at him. And as she's yelling and criticizing at me, I smiled the whole time, and even giggled a bit, which made matters worst. But I couldn't help it! Before when these things happened, I would yell back and get so angry. But now, I just find it funny. The whole time she was yelling, I kept thinking "wow! does she really have nothing better to do?!". I saw it coming. Oh when will this ever end?! When will certain people learn to just GROW UP and realize that what they say and do affects others. And that the world does not revolve around them?

I'm at the point now where I just don't care anymore. Caring and reacting angry to all the bs I had to go through, made it even worse. Whatever problems and issues my family has now, I don't want to get involved. I don't even wanna know about it. I spent 21 years living my life being looked down on by them. If anything went bad or wrong, I was always the first person on their mind. And when they found out I did nothing wrong, they all just left it alone as if nothing happened. Maybe that's why my life is so screwed over. Because I allowed them to control it and walk all over me. Well not anymore

2)SO my grandma is trying to fix me up with someone from the Philippines. HECK NO! I am not going to be used just so some guy I don't even know can come here in the States and get citizenship. Ahhhh she keeps pressuring me and telling my cousins to convince me. And now my mom is slowly getting convinced. NO NO NO NO NEVER GONNA HAPPEN is all I can say

3) This is nothing big but as most people know, I love watching korean and taiwanese dramas. But how can I continue to watch if the english subs are taking FOREVER?! It's not the subbers fault I know because it takes a lot of time and effort to sub videos. I'm just getting impatient is all. I'm just getting mad that no one is subbing We Got Married (korean variety show) anymore. Even though the new couples are not as good as the old ones, I still wanna watch! Errrr. Gourmet, subbers stopped because it's a license drama now. So I finished like up to episode 10 or something and thats it. Just when it was getting good, they stopped. You Are My Destiny has around 170 something episodes and only subbed up to 138.

But 2 dramas that I do however enjoy watching and wait for every week are East of Eden and Boys Before Flowers. They're still currently airing but i love them. If you haven't watched them, get going! East of Eden is doing around 50 episodes or so, but its GOOD. Boys Before Flowers, I've seen both the Taiwanese and Japenese Versions. Korean F4 characters are hotter than the other two versions! =)

ANYWAYS... to finish this off, I want to share something I learned today! Found this online:

At times we can feel a sense of loneliness even when we are surrounded by many people. Sri Chinmoy suggests that we feel lonely when use our mind to separate ourselves from other people. It is easy for the mind to be negative and when we are in a negative state of mind our ego comes to the fore, this is when we are likely to feel more lonely. Furthermore loneliness does not help us in any way but only contributes to our unhappiness. The cure for loneliness is to use the qualities of the heart to stop judging things and to cultivate happiness.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Unbreak My Heart

Well since my last blog was too depressing and LONG... I decided to even it out a bit by putting something happy and short.

Here's my niece and god daughter Janessa Marie! I have a lot of videos of her singing on my youtube account, but nothing of her singing like THIS! lol I'm a proud tita and ninang that I just love showing her off like this. So everytime I record her, you'll be seeing it posted on my youtube, myspace, facebook, and now here as well!

So sit back and enjoy. No bad comments please. She's only 4!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Pray for me

Just want to vent out some personal stuff. Even though most of these are things I've talked about before to some people, for some reason, it feels better writing it out. So here it is:

For those who really know me from my past, they know that I was never good at expressing myself to people face and face and just kept it inside. I was use to being alone and not bothered with. Back then, I wasn't use to people actually caring for me and if they did, I didn't expect it to really last that long anyways. So I never got my hopes up. I didn't trust anyone because I believed that people will always leave you behind in the end, because from my experiences, that's what always happened to me. So I thought, "what's the point in opening up to people if they're just going to leave?"

My cousin Glenda once told me that when she first met me 6 years ago with her family from the Philippines, her first impression of me (besides me having REALLY long hair back then haha) was that I was a scary person to approach. She and her sister didn't know how to talk to me. In fact, her exact words if I remembered correctly were, "it seemed like you hated the world". LOL and back then, I did. I was rebelious, out of control, naive, and lost my way. When they moved in with us from the Philippines, it was the first time I had to think of others besides myself. In my house before, it was just me, my mom, stepdad, brother, and little twin sisters. We all pretty much kept to ourselves and no one knew what was going on with me. So living in your own world for 16 years and then having 5 new people suddenly enter into it and invade your world, it was a big adjustment for me. But I'm glad it happened. It was an experience I had to go through.

As I think back from the past couple years, I remember not being happy with my life. There was a point where I dropped everything and everyone and lived in total isolation. Dropped school, work, my friends, even my family. I don't think I ever cried so many nights in a row before. Most of my depression came from my mom. Living my life for someone who doesn't even notice that her own daughter is in pain trying to please her, it's hard. Having to constantly hear that you're going to fail and regret it, you tend to believe that it's true. And having someone say they don't care if your happy or not as long as you make a lot of money so that they can look good in front of people, made me feel like I wasn't good enough and an embarrassment. I know she just wants the best for me. And I know she loves me in her own way and just doesn't want me to suffer financially when I'm older. But what about what I want?

People say I need to get away in order to make our relationship better. I want that too, because I feel like if I stay in this house any longer, I will go insane. The stuff I've been through, seen, heard, and experienced so far, I barely survived it. And I'm still trying to hang on there so I won't slip into something deeper that I'm afraid I won't be able to come out of this time. I pray everyday that I can one day be truly happy with myself. I want to be happy.

Even till now I still feel like that girl with no self confidence. Some of my family members have told me that I've changed for the better. That I'm more open and responsible. I don't know exactly when it happened. I guess I just needed those months of doing nothing and being depressed to fully understand what I want to do with my life. I didn't want to waste it. So I'm glad that some people have seen this change in me and told me. Because if they didn't, I don't think anyone would have and I would've continued to think low of myself.

My mom once said to me, "Watch... when you get older and laid off, you're going to say 'oh I wish I listened to my mom'". As if she's already expecting me to fail. Well I'm going to make sure that day NEVER happens. I am going to make sure those words NEVER come out of my mouth. I finally have the guts to turn my life around and follow my path. And even though it's not the path my mom wants, I want to prove to her that I will be happy no matter what and that I chose the right course. I have faith in her that one day she will fully accept me for who I am. Even if it's a long way from now, I have that faith. I have to have that faith because without it, everything I do will mean nothing to me without her appreciation and approval.

So for those who have kept their faith in me through all my hardships when I didn't even have faith in myself, thank you. There are many people who know my situation and have been my crying shoulder. Please continue to have faith in me and pray for me. And pray for my mom too. Pray that she will let go of her pride, selfishness, and stubbornness. I may not be the oldest daughter she hoped for, but I will be the daughter she can be proud of in the future.

Monday, January 19, 2009

A little introduction

"In My Own Words" is a place where I can write what I see, feel, and experience, whether it's good or bad or random. I got the title from hit song writer and artist Ne-Yo. His first album was titled "In My Own Words". With this album, he was able to express and write his feelings and experiences and share it to the world through his music. People express themselves all the time through their art works, music, or dance. Mine is writing. It may not solve all my problems in the world, but it will help relieve some of the stress and frustrations a little. Through this blog, I will let it all out. My happiness, sadness, anger, joy, etc. The REAL Christine Cacal will be shown inside and out, whether you like it or not. I will write from my heart and soul -- IN MY OWN WORDS