As I sit here thinking what to write about, I suddenly started thinking about my past (again). I tend to always think back over my experiences and the people I've met. I had a lot of good and bad experiences, some you can't even imagine. And I've met a lot of good people who became really important people in my life. Although some of them I don't talk too anymore, I still cherish everything we had together while it lasted. I believe it's the people in our lives that help shape us into the person we are becoming. That goes for the bad people in our lives as well. So as I go through these people in my head, one in particular sticks out.
My first love.
Everyone must have experienced this at least once in your life. If not, I do hope you will soon. I'm not going to give his name though, just to make it more interesting. He's someone I actually knew since elementary school, but never talked too until our last year of middle school. Rather than going over this WHOLE story on how we met and what we've been through (I can write a whole novel on this), what's more important to me and what I want to try and get to is the kind of person he was, what we are now, and what he's done for me.
Those feelings of joy and happiness, as well as pain, tears, and sadness are all the things I experienced with him first. He wasn't the best looking guy in the world. He's actually someone who you'd never take notice of and pass by aimlessly. But he was sweet, caring, shy, and the quiet type. He was someone who you knew right away would treat you with respect and be faithful to you. He's someone who you don't just have a fling with, but the kind of person you want to settle down with.
Have you ever met someone who just by them existing in your life, gave you the urge to become a better person? That's who he was to me. Forget all my relationships before and after him. He was the first person who I felt truly cared and loved me for ME. I've said the words "I love you" before and never meant it. It was easy for me to say those words because it meant nothing to me. But saying it to him, the words wouldn't come out at first. That's when I knew that I truly did love him. And I probably always will.
Although things didn't work out and took me awhile to accept that, we both eventually moved on with our lives and on to other relationships. But even so, he is someone who will always and forever be in my heart. We're still friends and see each other once in awhile. I can stop talking and being friends with a lot of my ex's, but for him, it's not possible. We will always be friends in the end. He taught me so much. I never thought I was worthy of being loved, but he taught me otherwise. He probably thinks he didn't do enough for me. But he did everything for me. Even though there were times I felt like I was the one putting most of the effort into our relationship, I know he tried the best he could in his own way. Even after the relationship ended, he said he'd hope we can still be friends. Now for most of the part, that doesn't happen between ex's. But he truly did try his best to still keep our friendship, no matter how stubborn I was wanting more. He's said to me before "I hope you find someone who will treat you better than I ever did". To me, that's something I will always remember because it came from his heart and showed me that he really wants me to be happy. And I know someday, I will be.
I know a lot of people tend to resent their ex's. Some can't even seem to let go of their first love. And that saying "you can never forget your first love" I believe is 100% true. Others have asked me before that if this person was to ever want to start something again, if I would. My head says no, but my heart says yes. For one, it's been years and we both are not the two young naive teenagers we once were. Too many things have changed. But it would be nice to see where it goes if it would ever happen again (though I know for a fact it never will happen, but it doesn't hurt to imagine it). Either way, no matter where we are in the next 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, and so on, he's someone whom I will always be grateful for in my life.